The struggles of being trangender in Christianity

This is an interview that I had with my very good friend Daniel, I had been friends with him for about two years and he has agreed to tell me his story for me to write in this blog in order for people to understand trangender individuals and their struggles in life. Daniel said that I was one of the few people that actually understood him because I am agender and that people needed to hear the side of the story that is usually not told because it is just a whisper among the many faiths that are clamoring that it is a sin.

Daniel was raised in an Apostolic Pentacostal Church and was there until he decided that path was not for him. In the Apostolic Pentacostal church the roles of males and females are really clearly drawn. Females are not to cut their hair or wear jewelry which Daniel thought this was wrong, he always thought that God would give him the body that he desired. When he was young he used to pray ferociously that his body would grow into a male’s body just like all his friends. He used to be a female and because he was a female he understands issues that concern females like shopping for bras and how problematic it can be.

He quit the church at the age of 19 after he struggled with the fear that his soul was going to end up going to hell but he knew that it was not a choice, if he had a choice he would accept the fact that he had a female body and act like how females are socially thought to act. But since it was not his choice because his soul was a male he decided to quit a belief that did not match with his soul.

When he was in college he was able to find out the many parts of what made up the LGTB community. He realized that he was trans when he was the age of 24, he also realized that he was aromantic until later on. In college he was able to find people like him and actually feel like he actually belonged. He was able to have a relationship with a boyfriend, who was also going through self discovery of who he was. But even through transgender people are an important part of the LGTB community many people even in the community do not understand it.

Daniel changed his name in 12/2013 became legally a male in this year but it has been a battle for him to pass as a male and he has started to take testosterone on 09/2013 as well to help him in his journey to feel more comfortable in his skin. Although many people who had started to take testosterone have mentioned that it can take a few years for the effects of testosterone to show up. Although Daniel has had facial hair show up and his voice starting to change and he had surgery on his chest to reduce them it is still hard for people to refer to him as sir instead they use “ma’am”.

His family too have had a hard time referring to him by his name Daniel as well as his gender pronoun, which is male. Daniel’s family was not fair to him they end up referring to him as female all the time and by his old name. His cousin actually did not want any of her children’s pictures to be shown in Daniel’s profile because she was afraid that the LGTB community were perverts. His cousin eventually told him that she would allow him to see his nephews and nieces but to not tell them at all what he was or why he was transitioning even if the children were curious to know why their “aunt” chose the name Daniel or Dan. But his aunt also though that just by him being around the kids he would confuse them after he became transitioning. They refused to still refer to him as Dan or Daniel and also to understand that transitioning was the only thing keeping Daniel from committing suicide. But transitioning was not an over night thing for Dan he had been contemplating it for many years. He was depressed of being in a female body he wanted to try at least to take the hormones to help him get facial hair and more testosterone in his system than estrogen.

His family still kept calling him by his female name was he kept transitioning, Daniel told them that it would be dangerous if they called him in public by his female name and female pronouns because someone would try to harass him or even try to beat him. Because they refused to respect his wishes he preferred to keep them in a non contact list. The reason why they did not respect his wishes was because of their Christian religion but even so they did not hold the ” treat others as you want to be treated” . Their family believed that it was a Spirit that ended up getting into Daniel and that Spirit would end up getting stuck into the children.

It was a huge struggle for him to get his documents changed from female to male, and still getting people to talk to him as a male and other males to accept him as such. In order to get his documents changed he had to get a psychiatric letter but in order to do this he head to search for a psychiatric to do that and go through therapy which was 3-4 months but the psychiatrist told Daniel to a therapist that reported to the psychiatrist, which meant he had to see the psychiatrist twice. Once the psychiatrist agreed Daniel had to get an appointment to go to the endocrinologist in order to get his testosterone but they told him that it would take a year for him to start his treatment of testosterone. It also have cost $150 dollars to get the court date to change his name not only on his license but his Social Security card. The wording from the letter of his doctors had to be exactly right for the court to accept it.

What Daniel wants the world to know is that it is not easy to be stuck in the wrong body, these last words are from Daniel, ” Yes. I wouldn’t chose this. I prayed God make me “right” and “good” “what He wanted me to be” but my feelings never changed. I was very dedicated to Christianity when I was saved and still God changed nothing.

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Empathy, something I feel but limited.

I realized that a lot of my posts sound like rants, that is because they are. I will try my best to just get my feelings out but in a more direct way, the best that I can. Empathy is something that I do feel but not towards people that have placed themselves in their own situation. For example, I have heard of people having children that they knew were sick and knew that their children would die before they see their first birth day. I feel sadness for the child since it had to suffer for having such “parents” and the selfishness of these people did not let them see past the taboo that is around abortion and instead they chose to let the child become some sort of freak show. I understand that there are people that do not have enough money to afford an abortion and that with a few operations their child can live a functional life, just like what happened to Lakshmi Tatma. That little girl was born with 8 legs yet the condition was able to be fixed.

I also do not understand what is the issue with so many “parents” who, I will decide just out of the trying to be a decent human, and having a bit of empathy towards those people that actually chose to breed and are responsible to just use the term breeder for those people that are not responsible at all, that are harming their offspring, and giving real parents a bad name.

But let me tell you, if a parent really loved their child they would rather them suffer minimal in the womb and abort them if they were not going to have the most fulfilled life possible, if there was no way of fixing the issue. But we have found ways to fix a lot of issues that we were not before, now children born without limbs can have prosthesis and they are able to have a good life, what I am talking is about rare things like a child born without a brain ( which has happened), there was also this child that was born without eyes although if the child is intelligent enough it can be taught braille but I believe that child in particular it’s brain was faulty too, he is going to depend on his “mother” forever. My issue is, what happens after the guardian dies?

There are also breeders that have offspring and they end up killing them, I do not understand, if they do not want them why did they have them? I believing in less suffering and to be honest since I am an antinatalist I believe humanity should stop breeding until most of our problems are fixed.

I do not feel sorry for those people that end up getting pregnant in order to keep their partner with them. I do not feel sorry for those women that have multiple kids from different parents and are unhappy because they brought that unhappiness to themselves. I also do not feel empathy for those women that are drug addicts, smoke, and drink while they are pregnant and then wonder why their kid came out wrong. I also have no empathy for those that know their child will come out with issues that modern medicine cannot fix yet and decide to give birth to them, I am not going to throw a pity party at such people.

It has also been proven that the more children you have the lower your IQ is. So, I decided to express exactly why I sound like I am ranting most of the time.

Unconditional Love…It’s bullshit.

One of my friend’s gave a go at this topic before but he spoke about relationships, if you want to read why Unconditional Love is bullshit when it comes to relationships you can go here ( “http://justinvacula.com/2013/08/06/unconditional-love/)
But me being a hardcore childfree person will take this idea a different type of way, the view of breeders claiming that the biggest love that there is out there is the love they have for a child. “Once you have a child you will know what true love is, unconditional love.”

Let me tell you that is the biggest BINGO and bullshit I have ever heard, if such a thing were true then there would not be Filicide, which means the deliberate act of a parent killing their child. Now, we all have heard of Ross Harris that killed their child in a hot car in Georgia and he was googling childfree and even went into our reddit forums we are not allowed to go into our safe haven because some asshole decided that he was not happy with the life that he chose when he fathered that child and was researching about childfree life style. Which in case that asshole did not know he was not going to be childfree because he had birth a child and nothing would change that. I am glad he got sent to jail. The point being here is that the love that a “parent” has for a child is not unconditional that something magical doesn’t automatically turn on in people when they have children. That “God’s love” is not surrounding such people and they are living fairy tales in the Enchanted Forest once they have children.

No, shit becomes real. People realize that they have bills to pay, if they have no health insurance they have to pay at least 40,000 in fees to the hospital if they live in the US. They also have to pay around 245,340 (http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/08/18/raising-child-cost-2013/14236535/ ) because of these thoughts and perhaps the fear of raising a child, also some people are raised in broken homes and according to statistics people who go through abuse are bound to abuse. Some people like that Slovak couple that gave Crystal Meth to their child to shut it up, or the father that let their child starve because he was busy playing a video game, if the love a parent has for a child is all forgiving, unconditional then why did these people not get the memo?

Perhaps, my method of showing that natalist are wrong once again is not the best but just turning on the 6’oclock news if you have any bit of logic left you can see it with your own two eyes.
Everyone needs to know and needs to be alright with the fact that not everyone is meant to be a parent, because of that people have to know that there is an option to not have children. There needs to be birth control and education in order to try to keep these deaths lower than they are now.

I am hardcore childfree not poser childfree.

I am hardcore childfree not poser childfree.

I am writing this because there needs to be someone finally who sets things straight. There are some people in the childfree community which like kids, so much that they date or marry people who have them, at times these kids live with them other times they do not. I have to set the record straight, not all childfree people are posers like this, I am one of those that are not posers but true childfree people Hardcore Childfree. People like me may or may not hate kids but regardless of that they will not adopt, step, or even dream of having a home with a breeder, yes, a person that has children 9 times out of 10 will be a breeder. After all we seen the decline of true parenting with strict laws and people were responsible for their offspring. Now a days basically anyone as soon as their clock starts ticking wants to have children.

I personally am sick of having to sharing the label childfree with breeder pleasers and I am sick of people having to hide their opinions about how the natalist religion has taken hold of society. I am not afraid any more to express my distaste even if such opinions can have huge repercussions. I hear endless childfree people in the groups on Facebook complain that their partners have children, that they are not involved with them and therefore can use the name childfree. I call those posers just like when I was in high school not everyone that wore all black was a goth, I have the same ideas of these cf posers. Just because you can fill your mouth saying that you are cf because you do not have any role in this child’s life does not mean you did not chose to have potential drama issues due to the fact their lives could change forcing them into your house in the future. Or those that are already step parents and if both of their parents die most likely they will end up having to deal with the children.

I always been childfree but since my mother did not speak English, I was the guardian of my brother because I was the only person they could communicate with, and I am his sister! So, people who are step parents have the nerve to tell me that they have no role in the children’s lives? They house them together with their couple, if they have to pick the children up from school they will be referred as the guardian or the step parent which means that the school will address letters do you. That is a responsibility which a childfree person that does not step, adopt, or birth children will never have to deal with. There should be another label that separates us true childfree people from these posers that are just saturating our community. A group that is very breeder pleasure is Childfree Chicks Confidential and the funny part is that some of the members are not even chicks! They also allow breeders that are always bias and attacking hardcore childfree people.

β€œAll you need is love.” Is what someone recently told me when I did not empathize with her drama after all she has a choice to cut the boyfriend that has kids that are treating him like some chauffeur. I told her that I was not stupid to put all my hopes in someone that has children because I know that is not a good stock and it has a lot of baggage. Hence, it is not worth the time and effort. She just kept saying that, when people fall in love it is different. That just reminded me of something I heard in the movie Her where they said love was β€œ a kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.” I have always been against many of society’s stupid norms mainly when it comes to gender and gender roles. Therefore, I will not be part of the statistics and picking up where the last partner failed. I also do not believe that monogamy is something that could be kept for long hence relationships end and people get divorced as well and eventually they end up finding someone else, such thing is not called monogamy it is serial monogamy but that is an issue for another article.

I am also sick and tired of breeders trying to hit on me online as if I would give up my freedom to date anyone of them. Automatically, when people say that makes them less attractive to me and less of a viable match. I will never date a breeder, I might date someone who is childless until it were not possible to deny the fact that they might eventually change to the point that they want to have children. Once things start leaning towards that way, I am the type of person that would completely cut the cord. To some people it is hard to know what they will want in the future but to me I know this for sure, I do not want to give my freedom to be with someone who has kids, wants kids, or wants to adopt kids in the long run. I am currently in the path of serial monogamy, where if things don’t work out it is better to go to the next one, but never settling for a straight jacket.

Gender & Sexual Orientation are something the Goverment should keep out from

I have no idea why even today in this time and age when we know that there is documented evidence that homosexual relationships have existed we still treat it as if it were a new thing.
People should not care the gender of the person they are with as long as that person is compatible with them mentally. I understand that people have sexual preferences and that some people tend to know if they are going to “fuck someone” as soon as they see them. I personally, do not understand the latter since I am demisexual, but again I understand the hormonal changes in the body and the eyes get wider and the smell that some people give end up making them seem more attractive to some and in turn their sexual attraction is turned on.

But to people like me that do not understand that type of attraction, I would describe myself as demisexual with capabilities of being panromantic, because I prefer men but I can be romantic with any gender. Yes, I said it, ANY!

I am sick and tired of having to explain that there is more than one gender and lack there of. Just like atheist are non believers of God and they are not theist, we have people who have no gender called agender (Neutrois) along with other names that you perhaps heard like:
Neutral-gender
Null-gender
Neither male nor female
Genderless

They all fall in the genderqueer which means it is not binary, you know like the 1 and 0 your computer uses, it’s not that. It doesn’t limit itself to that, just like computers cannot understand feelings, most people that are in 1 and 0 cannot really understand what being genderqueer, or transgender is like. Transgender
( which yes it does exist) there are people that do not want to have surgery but they feel usually like a male or female and yet they feel they are in the wrong body, just like there are people who have ugly noses and don’t want to get them operated. I am agender and since that means having no gender there is no way that I can possibly get a surgery to match that, there are people who try though who try either by looking androgynous or some people get their genitals and breasts taken out. I say people because since there is no gender, I cannot say: he, she, or it. I hate when people use the word IT! Although, I am guilty of using it on babies, but simply just call the person by their chosen pronoun or name but if you don’t know that then just use them, they, you get the point.

The same goes to people who are transexual but that’s usually the physical aspect to it hence most transexuals get surgery or get hormones.

Phew, that was a lot to say!

In sexuality we have something very similar and you might have heard of this recently due to the fact there is more exposure to it now, Asexuality, which means that they do not have any sexual attraction at all it does not mean that they are celibate just like people who are nymphomaniac can have sex with people without loving them, or people who have one night stands or “hook ups”, DTF (Down to fuck), and so on so forth can sleep with a person that they 1) Hardly know 2) Don’t love, why do people think that one has to have sexual attraction to someone in order to have sex with them? Some asexuals do not feel comfortable with sex some do, some are sex positive some are not but it is based on the individual.

Therefore, the thought that one cannot have sex without love is false because people do it all the time, and the thought that people need to have sexual attraction in order to have sex and to love is also flaw. But like Genderqueer, Asexuality is an umbrella term it is a spectrum, from aromantic, romantic, grey-A, demisexual.

Aromantic people mainly have platonic relationships and they feel fulfilled by this, they are more interested in having a mental understanding with people rather than a romantic or a sexual one, gender usually does not matter to them as long as they get along with the person.

Romantic Asexuals can be hetero-romantic, bi-romantic, pan-romantic; this all means that they do not have a sexual relationship with their partners, some Romantic Asexuals chose to be monogamous others chose to live in polyamory, having more than one relationship at the same time. Some can be Demi-romantic which means that they experience romantic attraction after forming bonds with the people they know.

Grey-A:

Do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes
experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive
experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them
people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances
-Avenwiki

Demisexuals (which is the group I am in) only have sexual attraction to people that they develop bonds with. Hence, this group of people do not see someone and feel like they can fuck them at first sight. No, love at first sight either if we take all that into account.

The thing that most asexual groups have in common that we see people the same as cars, art hanging in a gallery, until we get to know people and develop feelings for them be it romantic or not. This does not mean that people have the right to tell us that we ” need to be fucked silly in order to love having sex”, or that we “have not found the right person yet.” All that is objectification of individuals which most Asexuals can see through the lies at how exactly human relationships are and point certain flaws in the system, just like Atheist can do the same with religious people. Both groups are needed because there are certain things built among these things that have impacted laws and the way which people live.

Although gender does not affect sexuality, or lack there of. I thought I should just basically give a bit more of an look into this world of no gender and no sexual attraction. I forgot to mention that people should be allowed to think freely and not be controlled by someone that does not understand their needs or how they feel about gender, who they love, and how many they love as long as it’s consensual and an intelligent decision by legal adults with legal adults! As we continue to evolve things are bound to change if you are limiting change then you are the limit that humanity has to over come and it will. Just like the culture changed through the years and countries and empires lost power so too will the holds of religion, sexual discrimination, and gender inequality.